Enemy Down

SmellyMoss said: (May 22 2009 at 23:48:50 BST)

Mills is insane.

Dekko said: (May 23 2009 at 20:06:47 BST)

Aye sir, she is a proper nut bag.

Mister X said: (May 23 2009 at 20:39:31 BST)

lmao great stuff dekko but yea she is a weirdo media slut

Anja said: (May 24 2009 at 12:57:24 BST)

Speaking as a female of the species I have to agree that she is a psycho hose hound

lidd said: (May 24 2009 at 16:03:22 BST)

she just wants it all and now capcom just want to rake her in but shes nothing i tells yer i mean who the hell does she think she is shes not in my constiuency and i for one wont be voting for her oh no siree bob!!!!!!

lidd said: (May 24 2009 at 16:17:04 BST)

i mean what next she going to tell us she wants wacko jacko's baby!!

Dekko said: (May 24 2009 at 16:18:38 BST)

I AGREE WITH THE LEARNED GENTLEMAN AND SHALL TYPE IN CAPITALS TO SHOW MY ANGER AT SAID SITUATION!

Capcom are fools, mad, pitying fools to consider this vile woman as a candidate for our votes!

She shall never have a seat in parliament, not while I'm a whig, by the power of Grey Skull I shall fight this with all of my ability which, admitedly, isn't very much but damn your eyes if I shall not try!

lidd said: (May 24 2009 at 16:22:09 BST)

capcom may actually have a plan if she dosnt do the job right she may get sued of lazyness in perversion .......... GOD BLESS YA CAPCOM!!!!!

Dekko said: (May 24 2009 at 16:27:40 BST)

I hear that Capcom plan on sacrificing all the first born sons of Egypt to appease Heather Mills so as to not unleash her wrath upon them and all their families & pets, for she is known to tamper with the bowels of family pets, dogs for example.

lidd said: (May 24 2009 at 16:31:29 BST)

and to celebrate that we at the lidd/dekko shophame extroadinairs give you the first rebirth of the heather mills experiance all you do is you hum the tune of a yellow submarine and you pay pay us over ten grand and mills should just turn up to do whatever you want with her i mean how cool is that.........dekko!!!

Dekko said: (May 24 2009 at 16:35:57 BST)

With one swift flick of the wrist Heather will unattach her leg (the false one, sir, ha ha ha ha!) to reveal your shopping, ordered direct from Tesco and delivered, in style, direct to your door.

Mister X said: (May 24 2009 at 16:39:17 BST)

lmfao you two are one slice short of a loaf but now you mention it, could i book her next turesday with a delivery of can of beans ?

lidd said: (May 24 2009 at 16:39:37 BST)

and take advantange of the free money she regurgitates whilst thinking about kissing mr sir paul mcartney but to get it you have to open your very own swiss account paid directly in heather mills account.

lidd said: (May 24 2009 at 16:41:56 BST)

would you like 1 or 2 sir

Dekko said: (May 24 2009 at 16:49:17 BST)

But be warned my friends, if you do take up the Heather Mills two week challenge you will find it may cost you an arm and a leg (most likely a leg).
Well my good & fine fellow citizens, upstanding & moral flock that you are, I feel it is my duty to let you know that there are two things you should know if you are to take up our '48 Hours with Heather' package deal and they are;
1) her stump needs to be rubbed with an old Camembert each morning to stop her evil oozing out & infecting the local cattle
and
2) do not EVER feed Heather Mills after midnight, no matter how much she begs or pleads, don't feed her!

lidd said: (May 24 2009 at 17:03:22 BST)

we even have miniture dolls of mills looking at you with puppy eyes while pulling the string and she telling you "its not the money i wanted" repeatedly for 50 hours at a time or untill you believe her all yours if you can do the mills week challenge for 3 weeks!!!!

Dekko said: (May 24 2009 at 17:07:37 BST)

My God sir, I DO BELIEVE! Money never mattered to good ol' Mills-ee, na, she followed her heart which is what led her to the offices of Lidd-Dekko and thus what brings our fine deals to you today,
So, how would you like your Heather Mills?

lidd said: (May 24 2009 at 17:17:26 BST)

ooooh how would i like my heather mills now thats a question.......well i would like her in the kitchen rustling up a sandwich for me and doing maternal things but when shes bad id tie her to the radiator and leave her to look for scraps and things on the floor she was very lucky to have a patent in our office at the dekko-lidd inc as we just about afforded all the legal fees by getting dekko to marry paul and divorcing the next day good on yer uncy dekko we love you ha ha ha xx

Dekko said: (May 24 2009 at 17:25:41 BST)

Well Sir Paul was a very gentle & considerate lover so it wasn't as much of an emotional struggle as you might think.
I fleeced the old git for twelve million, plus I wept in court and said he hit me. Easy money.
Now with it we can afford to send Heather Mills into the homes of anyone in the country (if you live in Northern Ireland Heather is not available but we can send you the corpse of Douglas Baader*).
Oh the joy of having Heather for the evening (or our new, exclusive 48 hour package!).
BOOK NOW!

* http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Douglas_Bader

lidd said: (May 24 2009 at 17:32:24 BST)

douglas bader was a great all time war hero in the air but he did get caught quite a bit but unlike heather mills if you do anything at all with her she will try and catch you in the act too if your a tramp and desperate for a nice bottle of cider she wont even turn up but if your a nice wealthy man whos lonely she will try it all to put you away sue you then marry the pants of you and thats the best you can ever ask for in this all exclusive 92 and a half hour deal package and the best of it is you dont have to return her she runs!!!!!!!

Dekko said: (May 24 2009 at 17:36:45 BST)

Unless you hide her leg, of course but that will cost you extra.

Mister X said: (May 24 2009 at 17:41:40 BST)

lmao

that last line made me snort when i laughed

but down to business can i have heather for 12 hours?

lidd said: (May 24 2009 at 17:43:03 BST)

oh we at the lidd-dekko plc are not cheap you know we will shill you for every penny you earn just like heather mills did but we are not innit for the money we are a charity to bring you goods that dont exist and never will ha haha right my old partner in crime!!!!!

Dekko said: (May 24 2009 at 17:44:51 BST)

We have a caravan perched precariously on the edge of a cliff in Dover where you could stay.

Dekko said: (May 24 2009 at 17:46:52 BST)

Very expensive.

But it's for a charity against land mines.

They're bad.

lidd said: (May 24 2009 at 17:52:19 BST)

yes land mines are bad very bad indeed very very very very very very very bad indeed very very very very bad indeed thats why our friendly advise on this phoneline for £100 a minute will tell you not to step on one:-
555-555-5555
ring it now and get no assaurance of help
caution you may get your ear hurt due to banging on about some ladmines going off and we may tell you the intricate details of the explosions!!!

Dekko said: (May 24 2009 at 17:58:55 BST)

That number again; 555555555555555555555555555555555555555555, dial now for full details on the contents of Heather's fridge.

FREE EXAMPLE: 1) Iceburg Lettuce, 2) A Toe-may-toe

For land mines, press 1.
For Heather's up to date fridge contents, press 2.
For the complaints department, press 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 or 9.

lidd said: (May 24 2009 at 18:02:50 BST)

yes but dont press 9 as its from a 16 yr old snotty girl who will just tut at you and put the phone down and it may cause dirty old men to ask what shes wearing!!!!!

Mister X said: (May 24 2009 at 18:06:08 BST)

uhm i rang the number n pressed 2 but the fridge put me on hold and charged me a thousand euros.

this isnt on!

Dekko said: (May 24 2009 at 18:12:19 BST)

Please have a complimentary left shoe from our stock pile, Heather always throws one shoe away anyway.
However, all complaints must be made through our phone line.
If Tanya the 16 year old puts the phone down do not hasten to call back and enjoy the one record we have set to repeat; 'Fog on the Tyne' by Paul 'Gazza' Gascoigne who is now in charge of the Lidd-Dekko Pharmaceutical department (while stocks last!).

lidd said: (May 24 2009 at 18:23:43 BST)

she dosnt wear shoes she wears flip flops as there easy to put on we may give you clogs also as for your complaint about the 1000 euros thats not really much in pounds so i wouldnt complain much :) BING!!!!

Dekko said: (May 24 2009 at 18:51:21 BST)

And on that note Newcastle and Boro have been relegated........

Balboa Morte said: (May 25 2009 at 12:12:04 BST)

Haha great article (is it true?)

And I'll hire her out for the day, we can go and hang out with Yoko Ono